Feeling Like Holden Caulfield

I was coming out of being blackout drunk. My phone died as I made my way to the train station. I knew I had just left a restaurant, and that I had eaten with some people that I had first met earlier in the day at a beer festival. I recalled calling an older woman the devil, too.


I got to the train station about 5 minutes after the last train for my little mountain town had left. I was stuck in the city for the night and didn’t feel great. I turned around and went back to the main downtown area. I’d stay at an internet cafe.


Not right away, though. I was in between too drunk and not drunk enough to go to sleep on the padded floors of an internet cafe. And I was really just feeling kind of lonely. I didn’t know where to look for any of my friends, and I didn’t really think about it anyway. I thought of Eri, the “massage therapist,” and how she would probably be out on the corner. Maybe she’d go to the family restaurant Gusto with me. In Japan, restaurants specializing in generic Western food are called “family restaurants.” Gusto is always open and would be a good place to get rehydrated before going to sleep because they had a drink bar.


I found Eri, and after turning down a massage, I asked if she would go to Gusto with me. She said she had to work. I said I’d pay, but she said it didn’t matter.


I walked around in that red-light district. I don’t really know why. I wasn’t interested in any of the services offered there. I had been there before in a similar state, and a woman who I had met locked eyes with me. She didn’t like me. I had been more interested in her than she had liked. I didn’t understand anything about her life and didn’t understand that I didn’t understand that at the time.

We locked eyes and she turned away. I wanted to invite her to Gusto but decided against it. She must have noticed how I was just walking around, it was a pretty small area. I really didn’t want to go to Gusto alone yet. I went back to Eri to see if I could charge my phone there. She said only if I got a massage, and an actual massage would be a lot cheaper than what she normally offered.

I went up, and she kept asking if I was sure a regular massage was all I wanted. “That and Gusto,” I said to her. She wasn’t interested. I plugged my phone in and took my shirt off. She put a towel over my back and started rubbing. I asked her why she massaged over a towel and she was shocked. She asked if it was ok to touch my back directly, and I agreed. After 5 minutes at best, she asked if I was sure that I didn’t want anything else. She said she couldn’t go to Gusto before I could ask. My phone had a little power, and I decided to just go to Gusto alone.

I don’t think I had ever been there while they were still serving dinner, and I was a little disappointed. I didn’t really want any meat, I wanted pancakes. But I had to settle for meat unless I wanted to wait for several hours. I ordered the drink bar, and probably had 5 cups of water and 3 of juice. I ate about half my meal, and then I had the drunk poops. I think I fell asleep on the toilet for a while or something. I have no idea what happened but it suddenly felt as though I had been in there for a very long time. I washed my hands, came out and my food had grown cold. I finished it, paid my bill and left.


I got to the internet cafe, and they were sold out of the more comfortable cubicles–the ones with the padded floors and pillows. There was a room with a chair left, and I took it. I took my shoes off, reclined and put my feet up and promptly fell asleep.


I woke up about 5 hours later, at 6 o’clock on the spot. I was grateful that I had gone to Gusto. I was happy that I had resisted paying for any sexual act, too. I was quite confused about what had happened while I was blacked out. I realized that a woman I had been flirting with was married to an acquaintance. Not only that but that I was at their house with a bunch of people, playing with their kids, acting a fool the very same day. At that very moment, I swore to myself to always eat before attending a beer festival. I didn’t think to charge my phone before I fell asleep, so as I looked through how I had used my phone during that period, it quickly died.


Staying the 5 hours in the cafe earned me a free light meal. I ordered it, and it took forever to come out so I tried to sleep more, but I was growing to hate the chair. The food finally came, and it was a tiny portion. I didn’t want to go to Gusto again, and it would be the only place open for a while. I had eggs, bread, fruit, and coffee at my place anyway.

By the time I got home after walking to the train station downtown, riding to my little mountain town, and walking home from the station, it felt like a week had gone by.

These days, I’m just tellin’ stories.