Sitting here, fidgeting, waiting for life to pass me by I guess. Are we still going to that bookstore today? I don’t know if I even want to leave the house, much less go buy more books when I have so many I haven’t read yet. I feel weird about seeing her. Are we just friends, or is this something else? She’s moving away soon and I feel like I should see her, but I feel like we mostly misunderstand each other.
Who knows what anything means if we don’t talk about it. And I don’t actually want to talk about it with her. Because she’s leaving and I’ve got other people in my life now. How many times have we even seen each other? How long ago was the last time? Maybe the last time should be the last time.
*
And so we rescheduled. She was hungover, the sale wasn’t even happening. And then it was storming the day we rescheduled. We didn’t set another plan. I don’t really like to plan more than a week out. And yet I’m booked solid a week out. And if things go smoothly in all other aspects of my life, things will probably remain booked solid.
And so what can be said of her? I never felt any animosity towards her. I think we stopped seeing each other romantically and sexually based on a texting conversation that I’m fairly certain neither of us understood what the other was saying. We had a day out together as friends and nothing more once, and it did feel right. But she moves away in a month, and I can’t help but think that we never really knew each other all that well. What song will bring me back to this moment? I don’t think there will be one.
This story is part of a series of stream of consciousness writings.